Why do some people surrender to the evil of drugs? Is it because they feel they need to step outside the circle of ‘normal’ for a second to regroup? Or is it just a pure sign of weakness? I ask this question because not only have I dealt with a loved one who surrendered to such an evil thing but also I have been watching many documentaries about actors who have done the same. Its one thing to watch the story about someone who you have no relation to, besides loving the last movie they acted in, but actually experiencing it one on one is by far the hardest thing I think anyone has to go through. What is a drug? What does the drug promise one when they cross paths? A drug is defined as: a substance intended for use in the diagnosis, cure, mitigation, treatment, or prevention of disease. Now, that is the definition of a drug that we all pray and wish was what everyone would use a drug for, but unfortunately that is not the drug I am referring to. The definition of a drug I am referring to is: something and often an illegal substance that causes addiction, habituation, or a marked change in consciousness.
Why would you want a marked change in consciousness when it is already the hardest thing to stay conscious and sane in this place we call “life?” There is never a day in my life that I don’t ask for help to stay on track and focus on what needs to be done to get through the day but to purposely put something in your system to knock yourself off track and to be basically ‘not all there,’ why? I was never quite sure what the answer to that question was until I found myself asking a loved one that exact question. I asked him, after finding out that he was pretty much on drugs for his entire teen years up to his twenty’s. When he tried to convince me and mostly himself with his answer, I was so saddened by his response. But at the same time I knew that this was going to be the hardest thing I would have to go through and that I would have to be the strong one in the situation. You are all probably wondering what brilliant excuse he came up with as to why he resorts to drugs on a daily basis, so are you ready for a jaw-dropper? Well here it is….
“Because I can’t deal with my life right now and it makes me feel sane and normal”
As soon as he told me that a drug, whose sole purpose is to mark a change in consciousness, meaning to make you think abnormally, made him feel normal, really scared me. I watched him go through weeks of not sleeping at all to weeks of sleeping the entire days away. I experienced him not eating anything and feeding himself with drugs, which only meant unnecessary weight-loss. And when I would confront him about his sudden weight-loss he would say that “he was working out at the gym” which is a big fat lie because I spent pretty much 24/7 with him meaning I would have known when he went to the gym, which was NEVER. I went through more then one night of trying to calm him down and convince him that the person trying to break into his house was only the shadow of his parrot, or that there was no one starring at him through his car window while he was parked. All these are just awful experiences that no one should have to go through, especially the family.
I went to rehab with him and tried to understand why someone feels this weak to have to let a drug take over their life and sadly to this day I still find it hard to understand completely. When I used to get frustrated from his slow recovery or worse his relapse occurrences, he used to try and tell me that ‘I could not possibly understand what he is going through unless I too was addicted to a drug.’ I completely understood that and tried to respect him but what I couldn’t grasp is how a person I always believed was so strong could be so weak to an evil substance.
Is it fair to say that one who surrenders from weakness is at fault or should we put aside our anger and realize that not everything can be controlled by even the strongest minds?
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